The Black Magic of Kiducation

Photo taken in Waterford, CT

There are no words.

Time Warner Cable: A case on how not to model a company's culture

Over a twelve year period, I moved about ten times, providing me the opportunity to deal with a number of cable/satellite companies, predominantly Time Warner, Comcast, DirecTV, and Cox. They're all bad. But TWC is the worst. Actually, the experience mentioned below was the original inspiration for this blog.

When I moved to my current location of Durham, NC, I signed up for a special promotion of $30 per month for digital cable. The price was to include an HDTV digital cable box, a remote, the basic cable channels, and one outlet. (Time Warner Cable, unlike all other cable companies I've dealt with, actually charges more per outlet.) I prepaid the first month and scheduled the installation.

It took a few weeks to have the service set up, and when I received my first bill, I was charged $60 - $45 for monthly service and $15 for a past due balance. I obviously inquired about this, and I was told that they were no longer running the $30/month promotion. I informed them that there must be a mistake, since I had signed up with the $30/month promotion, which could even be proven by my prepayment of $30. The customer service agent (who was pretty kind, relatively speaking) said there was nothing she could do, blaming it mainly on the computer. After I told her that I wouldn't continue the service if they wouldn't honor the original rate, she told me, in exact words: "Sir, I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do."

Of course my threat was empty, and I continued to pay the extra $15 per month to get my cable service. After one year, my price shot up to $80 per month for basic cable! I called and asked if I could get a better rate, and they offered me $75 - a $5 discount! Figuring that I could probably negotiate a better deal if I tried to cancel my service, I asked to be transferred to the cancellation department. The agent said that he could actually cancel my service himself, and before I could say, "is that what you really want to do?", my service was cancelled. And that was the end of that.

No worries, though. For a one time payment of $45, I bought this beautiful antenna:

Not your grandparent's old fashioned "rabbit ears."

I get all the stations I watch most in High Definition and for FREE. The only thing I miss out on is ESPN, but thankfully I have ESPN 3 through my DSL internet service.

Bottom line: Time Warner's complete inability to empower their employees and its company culture of not putting the customer first lost them yet another customer. You can't make this stuff up!

Cell phones replacing airlines in the hospitality industry

Traditionally, hotels, airlines, and rental car companies have been considered the heavyweights of the hospitality industry since they compete solely on their level of customer service.  The argument is that there is limited ways to differentiate a Hyatt and Marriott hotel room, and margins are pretty much fixed.  Therefore, a company would gain its competitive edge through hospitality, or exceptional customer service.

Airlines once were considered part of the hospitality industry, but, today, no one would argue that they set any standard for exceptional customer service.  In theory airlines should not have much to compete on: again, margins are fairly fixed, and success is binary (i.e., the plane either lands safely or crashes).  Unfortunately, heavy federal and state government regulation effectively cause an oligopoly in the industry.  The end result is that consumers are usually left with only one option at a reasonable fare.

Interestingly, cell phone carriers (e.g., Verizon, AT&T) appear to be replacing airlines' component in the hospitality industry.  If not already, eventually the service coverage of all carriers will converge, and they will have nothing to compete on other than hospitality.  This already seems to be the case, at least between Sprint and Verizon, who have begun empowering their employees to satisfy customers at all costs.

USA Jobs

Would you invest in a company that lost $2 trillion last year and has a negative net worth of $44 trillion? The “company” is of course the U.S. government, and this was the headline story of a recent issue of Bloomberg Businessweek. Now, I have a lot of correct opinions about politics, the economy, and government in general, but that is neither the point of this article nor the theme of this blog. Rather, let’s look at www.USAJobs.gov, the U.S. government’s primary source for hiring. If any corporation approached hiring in the same manner as USAJobs.gov, they would be out of business within months.

Those who have applied for government jobs are probably already familiar with the frustrations of the application process. Those who are not familiar can just click on any random job posting; you can begin to imagine the frustration by just glancing over the job description (if that’s even what you want to call it.)

Let me bring to your attention 3 complete absurdities about USAJobs.gov:

1) They apparently don't edit or review their work

Throughout the website, including on the “Advanced Search” page, there is an “Applicant Eligibility” question. Ignore for the moment the fact that the jargon it uses is meaningless to the average person (e.g., interchange agreement, competitive service by statute, non-competitive appointment, etc.). It’s basically a Yes or No question which asks you if you meet certain requirements, and it is actually very important and applicable to many government jobs. Yet some lazy bureaucrat has formatted the bulleted list wrong!

Screen shot taken in February 2011

The final 2 bullets (about veterans’ preference and appointment eligibility) are independent from Federal civilian employees with non-temporary appointments.  In other words, it should read like this:

Are you:

• A current or former Federal civilian employee who holds or held a non-temporary appointment
• in the competitive service in the Executive Branch or in a position not in the Executive branch specifically included in the competitive service by statute, or
• in an expected service position covered by an interchange agreement, or
• eligible for reinstatement?
• A veteran eligible for veterans' preference or separated from the armed forces under honorable conditions after 3 years or more of continuous military service?
• A person with non-competitive appointment eligibility?

In fact, if you don’t believe me, just look at the help menu.  It’s formatted correctly there.  You can also simply read it like a sentence and see that it does not make sense.  For example, it would read like this:

“Are you a current of former Federal civilian employee who holds or held a non-temporary appointment a person with non-competitive appointment eligibility?”

Why is this important?  Because the website which represents tens of thousands of government jobs can’t even figure out how to properly ask questions!

Being the good citizen I am, I promptly informed customer service of this several weeks ago (in February 2011).  All I received in return was someone explaining to me what the technical jargon means.  (Just for reference, I am one of the few who probably know what the jargon means.)  After exchanging a few more emails, I was eventually told: "Your comments and/or suggestions will be considered as we make improvements to the website" and that my request would be handled by the appropriate authority.

At least the website design is nice!

2) Your application may not even be reviewed by a qualified hiring manager

So let’s say you get past the difficulties of figuring out what a job description means and are miraculously able to submit an application.  Have you considered who actually looks at the resumes and applications?

A friend of mine works for a well-known government contractor, and he is currently assigned to a high-profile agency.  That agency had an online job posting.  Apparently the hiring manager at the agency didn’t feel it necessary to find the right fit.  Instead, he or she asked my friend (who’s been out of college for less than a year) to pick the new hire.  So there was this contractor, several levels removed from the actual agency, making a hiring decision.

3) The turnaround time is an embarrassment

Sometimes when you apply for a job you hear the bad news right away or within a few months.  Sometimes you may not hear any bad news at all, and so assume no news is bad news.  However, my wife recently received bad news about a position she applied for at the Justice Department … SIX years after submitting the application.

You can’t make this stuff up!

United Airlines - Part 2

Note: This is a continuation from my post dated March 26.  Sorry to have pulled a “Kill Bill” and unnecessarily separated it into two posts, surely keeping you up at night due to the suspense.  It was just a long story and seemed too long for a single blog post.  Anyway…

After learning that my name has been broadcast on the airport PA system, I approach the gate agent to see what the issue is and also to [hopefully] retrieve my boarding pass.  Thankfully – and surprisingly – she hands me a boarding pass and seat assignment after I hand over my Departure Management Card.  She then walks around from behind the desk, and without hesitation, points to my bag and says, “I’m going to need to check that bag.”  (At this point you should ask yourself if you’ve ever seen a gate agent walk out from behind their unreasonably high ticket counter for any reason.)  Realizing that she clearly received a call from my bigoted buddy from before, I nearly flipped out.  Instead, I looked around and saw a little “box-measuring-bar thing.”

Prior to showing the agent lady it would fit, I did hesitate, as the little “box-measuring-bar thing” did look quite small.  However, I looked around the waiting area and reassured myself after seeing how much larger everyone else’s bags were.  Unsurprisingly and perhaps anticlimactically, it fit just fine (I did have to shove it in, but those stupid templates are conservatively small).  I figured if she had a problem with me shoving it into the little “box-measuring-bar thing,” I was going to point out other peoples’ bags and risk being hated by my fellow passengers.  She agreed to let me carry it on, but did ask one last time, “I can still check it if you want.”

Needless to say, the bag fit in the overhead compartment.  In fact, it fit any way I wanted to place it in there: in line with or perpendicular to the compartment, and even on its side!  There was even extra space to put my coat on top of it!

At this point, I had forgotten about Economy Plus, which basically started this whole fiasco.  The plane was only about two-thirds full, and after take-off, some poor soul decided to move seats.  I don’t blame him—he had a middle seat between two jolly fellows and there was an entire row open three rows ahead.  Once we were in the air and the fasten seat belt sign went off, he moved forward.  Unfortunately, he didn’t even have a chance to sit down when the SS flight attendant stopped him.  The man was told that he would have to return to his assigned seat or pay the $50 change fee!  He wasn’t trying to move to first class or even an exit row.  One-third of coach was empty, and they wanted to charge him to change seats!

There are few companies whose business practices I doubt more than United Airlines, and I would not be surprised if they go out of business (again), especially after completing the merger with Continental.  I'm sure that my gripes won't get as much attention as "United Breaks Guitars," but you'd think that United would have learned a lesson or two after suffering one of the worst PR nightmares in the history of the world:

In case you were not aware of this story, United broke Dave Carroll’s guitar and refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing.  To respond, Carroll put together this music video, and on the 2 days after posting it on YouTube, United’s stock dropped nearly 5% (in excess of the market's fluctuations).  This equated to the company losing about $90 MILLION dollars of value.

You can't make this stuff up!

United Airlines - Part 1

Have you heard of Economy Plus?  It's the new crime being committed by airlines and the origin of today's ridiculous story.  I wasn’t really upset when airlines stopped serving—and then started charging for—food.  I also wasn’t even that upset when they started charging for soft drinks (which no longer applies on most airlines).  I was, however, quite irked when they started charging for checked bags, especially since it makes MORE sense (from the airline’s perspective) to charge for carry-on bags: carry-on bags, unlike checked bags, increase lines in airport security, are a greater security threat, and significantly slow down boarding and deplaning.  But this United Economy Plus nonsense is the most frustrating.

I purchased a ticket for about $400, roundtrip to Denver, Colorado.  When I went to check-in 24 hours prior, I was asked if I wanted to pick a seat.  “Of course,” I thought. Seeing that the front half of the plane was almost completely available, I selected my seats, clicked “Next,” and then was told the charge would be $65!  Apparently, the new way United has decided to make a buck is by charging people for Economy Plus, which allows passengers to:

• Select their seats
• Have 5 extra inches of legroom
• Board "early"
• And pay a hefty $65!

There being no way I was going to do this, I cancelled and continued the check-in process without selecting seats.  When it came time to print the boarding passes, I discovered that instead of getting a normal boarding pass, I got something called a “Departure Management Card”—the same thing you get when a flight is overbooked and you have to fly standby.  “But half the plane is empty!” I screamed.  I realized I basically paid the $400 to have the option to buy a seat for $65.  This is just plain criminal!

I made sure I arrived to the airport early so I could secure a seat, and went up to the ticketing agent.  I showed her my Departure Management Card, and she said that I had to proceed to the gate.  Here’s our dialogue—this is verbatim:

“Why don’t I have a boarding pass?” I asked.

“Because NO airline guarantees seats,” she snapped.

“But what did I pay $400 for then?” I asked, clearly confused.

“For a space on the plane,” she answered, even more frustrated.  “Space, but not a seat.”

“So I will definitely be able to get on the plane?”  I wanted to confirm this.

“Yes.  NO airline guarantees seats, so please stop questioning our policies.” 

She then looked down at my bag.  “You’re going to have to check that bag … please bring it over here” as she motions to the scale.

“No I don’t,” I reply.  “It’s a normal carry-on size bag.”

“No, it’s too big. If you don’t check it, you’ll go through security, get to the gate, and then they’ll tell you that you have to check it.  Then you have to come all the way back here and you’ll miss your flight.”

“OK, I’ll take my chances,” I respond, well knowing that this is the same carry-on bag I’ve been using for 6 years.

“You’ve been WARNED!” she screams.  I just laugh out loud and walk toward security.

This is a picture of my bag, taken with my Blackberry.  Seems like a fairly nondescript carry-on bag to me.

Thankfully the security line wasn’t that long, so it was only about 5 minutes before I was up to the TSA agent.  There were just a couple people in front of me, and a lady in plain clothes approaches me and asks to see my boarding pass.  I looked at her and asked, “Who are you?”  She said, “Never mind that, tell me your name and let me see your boarding pass.”

At this point, I’m up to the TSA agent and I ask him who this lady is and whether or not I need to show her my boarding pass.  He responded that I better do as the lady asks, “or else.”  Now noticing the sloppily-placed United nametag on this lady, I hand her my boarding pass.  She looks at it and says, “Sir, you’re going to need to check that bag.”  At this point VERY frustrated, I ask, “What the hell is this about?!”

She responds, telling me that the bag is too big to be carried on and that I need to check it.  She also tells me that she received a call because I cussed out the ticketing agent.  I did no such thing!  That spiteful lady didn’t like having her authority questioned, so she had the audacity to lie and hold me up in security.

This United lady and I went back and forth for 10 minutes, and eventually she let me go, but also saying that the gate agent was going to require me to check my bag and that I’d miss my flight.  This was nothing short of harassment.  Was I being discriminated against because I was white?  Male?  I do have a Hebrew last name, so was this anti-Semitism???

I go through security just fine (the bag has NO problem going through the x-ray machine) and proceed to the gate.  There I find a friend of mine who says, “Hey!  They’ve been calling your name on the PA system for 10 minutes!”

to be continued…

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Inspiration for Recording Telephone Conversations

I recently came across this Failblog video and found it just too funny.  If you ever needed a reason to record your calls to customer service agents, here it is:



I have recently begun recording some conversations myself and will look forward to sharing those.  (By the way, while I respect and love all readers, if you don't "get" the video, I'd have to recommend you spend less time at Doubt of Business and more time here.)

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