United Airlines - Part 2

Note: This is a continuation from my post dated March 26.  Sorry to have pulled a “Kill Bill” and unnecessarily separated it into two posts, surely keeping you up at night due to the suspense.  It was just a long story and seemed too long for a single blog post.  Anyway…

After learning that my name has been broadcast on the airport PA system, I approach the gate agent to see what the issue is and also to [hopefully] retrieve my boarding pass.  Thankfully – and surprisingly – she hands me a boarding pass and seat assignment after I hand over my Departure Management Card.  She then walks around from behind the desk, and without hesitation, points to my bag and says, “I’m going to need to check that bag.”  (At this point you should ask yourself if you’ve ever seen a gate agent walk out from behind their unreasonably high ticket counter for any reason.)  Realizing that she clearly received a call from my bigoted buddy from before, I nearly flipped out.  Instead, I looked around and saw a little “box-measuring-bar thing.”

Prior to showing the agent lady it would fit, I did hesitate, as the little “box-measuring-bar thing” did look quite small.  However, I looked around the waiting area and reassured myself after seeing how much larger everyone else’s bags were.  Unsurprisingly and perhaps anticlimactically, it fit just fine (I did have to shove it in, but those stupid templates are conservatively small).  I figured if she had a problem with me shoving it into the little “box-measuring-bar thing,” I was going to point out other peoples’ bags and risk being hated by my fellow passengers.  She agreed to let me carry it on, but did ask one last time, “I can still check it if you want.”

Needless to say, the bag fit in the overhead compartment.  In fact, it fit any way I wanted to place it in there: in line with or perpendicular to the compartment, and even on its side!  There was even extra space to put my coat on top of it!

At this point, I had forgotten about Economy Plus, which basically started this whole fiasco.  The plane was only about two-thirds full, and after take-off, some poor soul decided to move seats.  I don’t blame him—he had a middle seat between two jolly fellows and there was an entire row open three rows ahead.  Once we were in the air and the fasten seat belt sign went off, he moved forward.  Unfortunately, he didn’t even have a chance to sit down when the SS flight attendant stopped him.  The man was told that he would have to return to his assigned seat or pay the $50 change fee!  He wasn’t trying to move to first class or even an exit row.  One-third of coach was empty, and they wanted to charge him to change seats!

There are few companies whose business practices I doubt more than United Airlines, and I would not be surprised if they go out of business (again), especially after completing the merger with Continental.  I'm sure that my gripes won't get as much attention as "United Breaks Guitars," but you'd think that United would have learned a lesson or two after suffering one of the worst PR nightmares in the history of the world:

In case you were not aware of this story, United broke Dave Carroll’s guitar and refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing.  To respond, Carroll put together this music video, and on the 2 days after posting it on YouTube, United’s stock dropped nearly 5% (in excess of the market's fluctuations).  This equated to the company losing about $90 MILLION dollars of value.

You can't make this stuff up!