How many times should your phone ring?

Why do cell phones only ring 4 times before voicemail picks up?  I’m sure that I can’t be the only one in the world who misses a decent number of calls because I don’t have a chance to pick up.  It doesn’t matter where I am… If I’m outside, it might be a ring or 2 before I even realize my phones ringing, and by the time I stop what I’m doing and retrieve it from my pocket, “Missed Call.”  If I’m inside, especially at home, if I hear the phone ring, it takes me at least a few rings to remember where the hell I left it.  And I’d imagine women have it even worse, with it typically buttoned up inside a purse.

I’ve actually tried calling my phone provider to see if I can adjust the number of rings, and interestingly enough, I learned that Verizon used to do this, but now it’s a standard 4 rings for everyone.  I’ve also found that VOIP and home lines typically offer minimal customization of rings, and the max allowed I’ve ever seen is 6 rings.

I’m looking for something like 8 rings!  Furthermore, I even think 6 or 8 rings should be the standard, not a measly 4.  I have two excellent reasons for this.

First, like I mentioned before, it’s sometimes difficult to answer the phone within 4 rings, especially if your cell phone vibrates for the first ring (which is exceedingly convenient if you’re in a meeting and forget to turn it to silent).  If you’re at home, no more running around the house, up and down stairs, and checking your bags for your phone.  Just take your leisurely time to answer the phone.

The second reason this is a great idea is to provide an automatic filter on voicemail.  If someone only has to wait 4 rings to leave you a message, than they’re probably going to let it ring and leave a message regardless of the importance of the call.  However, if they have to wait 8 rings, they may now think twice about leaving a message.  If they choose not to leave a message, then the way I see it is that it clearly wasn’t that important to begin with (or they’ll text or email me, etc).

At the end of the day, leave it up to the consumer to customize.  There’s an idea that can help lots of businesses.

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How DirecTV "Supports" the Military

A while back I was in the military, and one of my secondary responsibilities was to manage our unit’s morale and recreation program.  We primarily brought in money by operating vending machines and selling some food during lunch.  While we spent our funds on a number of various events, such as picnics and outings, one of the more popular things was us having DirecTV, including all the great add-ons, such as NFL Sunday Ticket and MLB Extra Innings.

As the program manager, I was responsible for setting up our DirecTV service.  I made sure we got the best negotiated price, arranged for the installation, and paid the bills.  For the most part, this was a relatively straightforward satellite package; really, the only difference was that instead of the service being in a single person’s name, it was a corporate account, so it was in our unit’s name.  There was one potentially complicating factor, however.  Our unit was going to be disbanded* in 9 months, and the typical DirecTV contract is for 1 year.  I communicated this to our salesperson, and he said that this would absolutely not be a problem, annotated this on the account, and included it in the contract.

(*Units being disbanded is not uncommon.  For example, units can be disbanded in association with BRAC (Base Realignment and Closure), upon completing specific missions, or decommissioning of naval vessels.)

Over the next 9 months, we all thoroughly enjoyed our satellite programming, and sometimes we even purchased special PPV events (e.g., UFC), and all bills were paid on time.  When there was about 1 week remaining prior to our unit being officially disbanded and remaining personnel to be redistributed to several hundred different units, I called up DirecTV to inform them that we would be stopping our service.  As a bonus, I was going to hand over our dish and receivers to a nearby unit that was just starting the disbanding process, and they would start new DirecTV service and utilize it for about a year.  This, no doubt, was a win-win for both DirecTV and the other unit.

As you probably expected, I was told by customer service that we were in a one year contract and we would have to pay a $350 cancellation fee for early termination.  Supervisor after supervisor told me the same thing, until finally I was told I’d get a call back from a “special” department.

I did get a call several days later, literally on the day that we were saying our goodbyes and disbanding the unit.  The agent told me that we would not be required to pay the cancellation fee, but we would have to send a letter announcing our circumstances on command letterhead.  I informed the agent that we unfortunately no longer had computers and printers, let alone letterhead, and that for all intents and purposes, we were effectively a corporation going out of business.  He claimed that if DirecTV didn’t receive the letter within 3 weeks, we would have to pay the cancellation fee.  Apparently it didn’t matter that it was already annotated on the account.  I exclaimed to him that there would not be anyone to pay the cancellation fee, but of course to no avail.

About a year later, I get a call (on my mobile) from DirecTV collections department, asking me if they had reached our military unit.  I told them that I used to be affiliated with the unit, but it no longer exists.  They then asked who was responsible for paying the bills, and I said “we’re out of business – there’s no one here anymore.”  Wisely, the collections agent asked, “The military is not out of business, so who can I reach to pay the bill?”  More wisely, I gave the agent the phone number to the office of the Undersecretary of Defense Comptroller’s office.  For those of you who have tried to reach someone via a government phone number, you’d know the endless labyrinth of phone systems in which this collections agent was about to embark.

A couple years later, and maybe once or twice a year since then, I get a phone call from DirecTV collections, and with a smile on my face, still hoping to have the last laugh, I kindly say, “you must have the wrong number.”

Budget Car Rental: You Can Judge a Company By Its Name

I've been travelling a lot lately. While this serves as an excuse to my lack of postings, I can promise you I have a vault full of great DoB stories.

I rented a car from Budget recently, and I noticed an odd smell when I first drove off the lot. It took me about 15 minutes and watery eyes before I figured out that the car, despite having only 5,000 miles, had been heavily smoked in. I also noticed the large "NON-SMOKING" stickers on the windows which declared a $250 fine for smoking. Once I got to my hotel (about 30 minutes from the car rental location), I called Budget to tell them about the issue. I was neither looking for a different car nor any type of credit; rather, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be inadvertently charged the fine. The customer service representative informed me that I had 2 options. One option was to bring the car back to the rental location and swap it out for a different car. The second option was to risk paying the $250 fine. Yeah, so thanks a lot.

Ignoring the smoke infusion issue for the time being, I went to use the car the next day and found a partially flat tire. That's when I remembered that the tire pressure warning light did indeed come on shortly after leaving the airport, but I was too busy gasping for fresh air that I didn't notice. I looked up the nearest Budget location to my hotel, and took the car there to see what they could do about the flat tire.

I pulled up front to the Budget office (it was in an urban area, so I wanted to check in before I found a parking space), I informed the agent of my situation,  and she told me I had to park first. About 20 minutes had elapsed by the time I drove to the parking garage and walked back. The agent then found it convenient to inform me that they had no vehicles available and that I had 2 options. One option was for me to replace the tire with the spare. The second option was to call roadside assistance. Again, thanks a lot.

For the sake of keeping this post short, I'll skip the parts about there not being a spare tire,  about waiting on hold for roadside assistance for 45 minutes, and about me showing the garage mechanic how to use an air compressor. In the end, I was informed that it would take between 1 and 8 hours for Budget to come and bring a new car (since there was no spare tire) and that I would have to be there when the tow truck came. I was also informed that there was no way that the 8-hour window could be reduced. Oh, and by the way, we were on vacation. So, again, thanks a lot!

Why Microsoft’s Mobile Screw-up is Worse Than They Realize

It was not long ago when popular Microsoft products such as Windows, Office, Outlook, Internet Explorer, etc. were used for just about everything.  Macs continue to erode the Windows gold standard operating systems.  Firefox, Safari, and Chrome have made the once monopolistic Internet Explorer capture only 50% of the internet browser market today.  And Open Office and Google Docs are starting to steal users from Microsoft’s profitable Office suite, especially rendering their complex collaboration features obsolete.

The one thing that may appear to be stable today is Microsoft Outlook and the associated Exchange client-server.  For those not familiar, the basic idea of Microsoft Exchange is that it provides a powerful email, scheduling, and global address service for medium and large businesses.  The Exchange server acts as the back-end service while Outlook (the Exchange client) provides end-users with email, calendar, contacts and task tools, among other features.

It was also not too long ago when Windows Mobile was a powerful operating system for mobile phones.  While never priding itself as a great web browsing or multi-media experience, the one thing Windows Mobile operating systems have had are native Exchange clients.  In other words, Microsoft Outlook penetrated much of the pre-installed software on the phone.  Unlike a lot of other “bloatware” that comes preloaded on phones, the native Exchange was actually a good thing.  Emails would be delivered directly to your Messages app, phone numbers of Outlook contacts would be stored in the phonebook, and calendar items would synchronize between your phone and Outlook automatically and over the air.

Realizing that Microsoft Exchange nearly served the complete market of enterprise businesses, iPhone, BlackBerry, and Android incorporate Exchange synchronization and functionality.  However, as one would expect, the synchronization is not nearly as seamless as it is on a Windows Mobile phone.  For instance, fields that may contain data in an Outlook contact may not be available on a BlackBerry.  Another example is that calendar/appointment reminders are different between Outlook and iPhone.  And perhaps worst of all, the powerful Outlook task list doesn’t even synchronize with Android mobile operating systems.

Given the utility of a Windows Mobile phone with a native Exchange client, it had everything going for it.  The whole Microsoft ecosystem could be leveraged.  As other phone manufacturers and mobile operating systems began to gain popularity, Microsoft just rode its laurels.  This is not news though – we all know this, and Steve Ballmer eventually fired the head of mobile.

"Right now, [Microsoft] is selling millions and millions and millions of phones, and Apple is selling zero."

After Microsoft’s mocking of the iPhone, they effectively disappeared from the landscape of mobile phones.  They have tried to reinvigorate the product with Windows Phone 7, but this has all but failed.  (On a side note, there are 6 unique models of Windows Phone, and none are available on Verizon and not one has a fixed qwerty keyboard.  Who are they actually trying to compete with?)  But the worst is yet to come.  Because of this mobile screw-up, Microsoft’s “old faithful” – the Exchange server and Outlook client – are in trouble.  Why would users deal with the inconsistent integration of Exchange into other mobile phones when they can just use native applications, e.g., gmail and calendar for Android?  Indeed, Google Apps is being heavily marketed toward enterprise customers.  Google doesn’t currently have a task list, but something like it has to be in the works.

Therefore, because more work is continually conducted on mobiles, and because almost no one uses Windows Phones, enterprise customers may likely start switching to other services offered as native applications on mobile phones, such as those offered by Apple or Google.  The logical next step would be for those enterprise customers to adapt their office workstations to the new clients.  Losing Exchange server and Outlook revenue is when Microsoft’s real blood bath will begin.

Delta Airlines: A Round Trip Experience

The Departure

Our plane had left the gate in Washington, DC, and I was to fly up to New York City for a conference. I was probably engrossed in the most recent issue of Sky Mall for quite a while before I realized that the plane had been sitting on the tarmac, not moving for at least 15 minutes. I looked around and saw the flight attendant, and she informed me that there were major backups on the runway, and that we would have to wait our turn.

Fair enough, I thought. This was not uncommon and just the nature of air travel. But one hour later, not only had we not moved but there were also no announcements. I again turned to the responsive flight attendant, who apologized for not really knowing the status.

Another hour went by. This is all literal; I promise I’m not exaggerating (anyone who’s flown before knows that no exaggeration is necessary when it comes to airline horror stories). At this point, we had been sitting on the tarmac for over 2 hours. I thought to myself, if we don’t leave in 15 minutes, there’s no point in me even flying up to NYC anymore. I told this to the flight attendant, who asked me more information about it. “Where’s the conference?” she asked. “What time does it start, and what’s the latest it would make sense for you to arrive?” Her questions were obscure, but I humored her and answer them. She excused herself and headed toward the front of the plane.

A few minutes later she returns and says, “Thankfully you spoke up, sir. The pilots now have an urgency reason to tell the control tower … this should allow us to take off shortly.” Before I could gasp out of surprise, the captain announces that we’re next in line for takeoff. I assumed that she was being sarcastic with me, and I asked for clarification. She explained that it was Delta’s policy to prioritize departures based not just on the original departure time but also the priority level of passengers. As a master of the art of subtle sarcasm, I can tell you that she was telling the truth.

The flight attendant then proceeds to tell other passengers around me that I’m the one who deserves credit for the plane finally departing. Naturally, they questioned the absurdity of this, and her basic answer was, “All you had to do was ask.”

The Return

I’m not entirely convinced that overselling flights is a good business decision, but I am happy to volunteer for the voucher when it’s convenient for me.  Needless to say, my return flight was overbooked, and I was selected as a volunteer.  I stood aside while the plane was boarded, eagerly awaiting my $400 voucher, meal ticket, and hotel reservation.  The jet way door shuts, and moments later the plane begins pulling away.

Just like real money, it cannot be replaced if lost.

I continued to wait at the desk while the gate agent radioed back and forth with another individual, sounding like they were arguing about numbers.  The gate agent turned to me, and said that there was actually an open seat and they had miscounted.

They miscounted. How does this happen so often? People have to check in for their flights, and a computer scans each individual boarding pass as passengers board.  If that isn’t enough, the flight attendants walk the aisles a number of times, and I would think that an empty seat on a supposedly oversold flight would be pretty damn obvious.

The plane pulls back up to the gate, the jet way door reopens, and I’m rushed aboard the plane.  As I make my way to the back of the plane, I’m given looks of disgust by other passengers who reasonably assume that I was running late and was responsible for holding up their departure.  I head home with no $400 voucher, no available overheard cargo space, and more personal disgust of airlines.

You can’t make this stuff up.

The Black Magic of Kiducation

Photo taken in Waterford, CT

There are no words.

Time Warner Cable: A case on how not to model a company's culture

Over a twelve year period, I moved about ten times, providing me the opportunity to deal with a number of cable/satellite companies, predominantly Time Warner, Comcast, DirecTV, and Cox. They're all bad. But TWC is the worst. Actually, the experience mentioned below was the original inspiration for this blog.

When I moved to my current location of Durham, NC, I signed up for a special promotion of $30 per month for digital cable. The price was to include an HDTV digital cable box, a remote, the basic cable channels, and one outlet. (Time Warner Cable, unlike all other cable companies I've dealt with, actually charges more per outlet.) I prepaid the first month and scheduled the installation.

It took a few weeks to have the service set up, and when I received my first bill, I was charged $60 - $45 for monthly service and $15 for a past due balance. I obviously inquired about this, and I was told that they were no longer running the $30/month promotion. I informed them that there must be a mistake, since I had signed up with the $30/month promotion, which could even be proven by my prepayment of $30. The customer service agent (who was pretty kind, relatively speaking) said there was nothing she could do, blaming it mainly on the computer. After I told her that I wouldn't continue the service if they wouldn't honor the original rate, she told me, in exact words: "Sir, I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do."

Of course my threat was empty, and I continued to pay the extra $15 per month to get my cable service. After one year, my price shot up to $80 per month for basic cable! I called and asked if I could get a better rate, and they offered me $75 - a $5 discount! Figuring that I could probably negotiate a better deal if I tried to cancel my service, I asked to be transferred to the cancellation department. The agent said that he could actually cancel my service himself, and before I could say, "is that what you really want to do?", my service was cancelled. And that was the end of that.

No worries, though. For a one time payment of $45, I bought this beautiful antenna:

Not your grandparent's old fashioned "rabbit ears."

I get all the stations I watch most in High Definition and for FREE. The only thing I miss out on is ESPN, but thankfully I have ESPN 3 through my DSL internet service.

Bottom line: Time Warner's complete inability to empower their employees and its company culture of not putting the customer first lost them yet another customer. You can't make this stuff up!