Tuesday, March 29, 2011

United Airlines - Part 2

Note: This is a continuation from my post dated March 26.  Sorry to have pulled a “Kill Bill” and unnecessarily separated it into two posts, surely keeping you up at night due to the suspense.  It was just a long story and seemed too long for a single blog post.  Anyway…

After learning that my name has been broadcast on the airport PA system, I approach the gate agent to see what the issue is and also to [hopefully] retrieve my boarding pass.  Thankfully – and surprisingly – she hands me a boarding pass and seat assignment after I hand over my Departure Management Card.  She then walks around from behind the desk, and without hesitation, points to my bag and says, “I’m going to need to check that bag.”  (At this point you should ask yourself if you’ve ever seen a gate agent walk out from behind their unreasonably high ticket counter for any reason.)  Realizing that she clearly received a call from my bigoted buddy from before, I nearly flipped out.  Instead, I looked around and saw a little “box-measuring-bar thing.”

Prior to showing the agent lady it would fit, I did hesitate, as the little “box-measuring-bar thing” did look quite small.  However, I looked around the waiting area and reassured myself after seeing how much larger everyone else’s bags were.  Unsurprisingly and perhaps anticlimactically, it fit just fine (I did have to shove it in, but those stupid templates are conservatively small).  I figured if she had a problem with me shoving it into the little “box-measuring-bar thing,” I was going to point out other peoples’ bags and risk being hated by my fellow passengers.  She agreed to let me carry it on, but did ask one last time, “I can still check it if you want.”

Needless to say, the bag fit in the overhead compartment.  In fact, it fit any way I wanted to place it in there: in line with or perpendicular to the compartment, and even on its side!  There was even extra space to put my coat on top of it!

At this point, I had forgotten about Economy Plus, which basically started this whole fiasco.  The plane was only about two-thirds full, and after take-off, some poor soul decided to move seats.  I don’t blame him—he had a middle seat between two jolly fellows and there was an entire row open three rows ahead.  Once we were in the air and the fasten seat belt sign went off, he moved forward.  Unfortunately, he didn’t even have a chance to sit down when the SS flight attendant stopped him.  The man was told that he would have to return to his assigned seat or pay the $50 change fee!  He wasn’t trying to move to first class or even an exit row.  One-third of coach was empty, and they wanted to charge him to change seats!

There are few companies whose business practices I doubt more than United Airlines, and I would not be surprised if they go out of business (again), especially after completing the merger with Continental.  I'm sure that my gripes won't get as much attention as "United Breaks Guitars," but you'd think that United would have learned a lesson or two after suffering one of the worst PR nightmares in the history of the world:



In case you were not aware of this story, United broke Dave Carroll’s guitar and refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing.  To respond, Carroll put together this music video, and on the 2 days after posting it on YouTube, United’s stock dropped nearly 5% (in excess of the market's fluctuations).  This equated to the company losing about $90 MILLION dollars of value.

You can't make this stuff up!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

United Airlines - Part 1

Have you heard of Economy Plus?  It's the new crime being committed by airlines and the origin of today's ridiculous story.  I wasn’t really upset when airlines stopped serving—and then started charging for—food.  I also wasn’t even that upset when they started charging for soft drinks (which no longer applies on most airlines).  I was, however, quite irked when they started charging for checked bags, especially since it makes MORE sense (from the airline’s perspective) to charge for carry-on bags: carry-on bags, unlike checked bags, increase lines in airport security, are a greater security threat, and significantly slow down boarding and deplaning.  But this United Economy Plus nonsense is the most frustrating.
I purchased a ticket for about $400, roundtrip to Denver, Colorado.  When I went to check-in 24 hours prior, I was asked if I wanted to pick a seat.  “Of course,” I thought. Seeing that the front half of the plane was almost completely available, I selected my seats, clicked “Next,” and then was told the charge would be $65!  Apparently, the new way United has decided to make a buck is by charging people for Economy Plus, which allows passengers to:
  • Select their seats
  • Have 5 extra inches of legroom
  • Board "early"
  • And pay a hefty $65!

There being no way I was going to do this, I cancelled and continued the check-in process without selecting seats.  When it came time to print the boarding passes, I discovered that instead of getting a normal boarding pass, I got something called a “Departure Management Card”—the same thing you get when a flight is overbooked and you have to fly standby.  “But half the plane is empty!” I screamed.  I realized I basically paid the $400 to have the option to buy a seat for $65.  This is just plain criminal!
I made sure I arrived to the airport early so I could secure a seat, and went up to the ticketing agent.  I showed her my Departure Management Card, and she said that I had to proceed to the gate.  Here’s our dialogue—this is verbatim:
“Why don’t I have a boarding pass?” I asked.
“Because NO airline guarantees seats,” she snapped.
“But what did I pay $400 for then?” I asked, clearly confused.
“For a space on the plane,” she answered, even more frustrated.  “Space, but not a seat.”
“So I will definitely be able to get on the plane?”  I wanted to confirm this.
“Yes.  NO airline guarantees seats, so please stop questioning our policies.” 
She then looked down at my bag.  “You’re going to have to check that bag … please bring it over here” as she motions to the scale.

“No I don’t,” I reply.  “It’s a normal carry-on size bag.”

“No, it’s too big. If you don’t check it, you’ll go through security, get to the gate, and then they’ll tell you that you have to check it.  Then you have to come all the way back here and you’ll miss your flight.”

“OK, I’ll take my chances,” I respond, well knowing that this is the same carry-on bag I’ve been using for 6 years.

“You’ve been WARNED!” she screams.  I just laugh out loud and walk toward security.

This is a picture of my bag, taken with my Blackberry.  Seems like a fairly nondescript carry-on bag to me.

Thankfully the security line wasn’t that long, so it was only about 5 minutes before I was up to the TSA agent.  There were just a couple people in front of me, and a lady in plain clothes approaches me and asks to see my boarding pass.  I looked at her and asked, “Who are you?”  She said, “Never mind that, tell me your name and let me see your boarding pass.”

At this point, I’m up to the TSA agent and I ask him who this lady is and whether or not I need to show her my boarding pass.  He responded that I better do as the lady asks, “or else.”  Now noticing the sloppily-placed United nametag on this lady, I hand her my boarding pass.  She looks at it and says, “Sir, you’re going to need to check that bag.”  At this point VERY frustrated, I ask, “What the hell is this about?!”

She responds, telling me that the bag is too big to be carried on and that I need to check it.  She also tells me that she received a call because I cussed out the ticketing agent.  I did no such thing!  That spiteful lady didn’t like having her authority questioned, so she had the audacity to lie and hold me up in security.

This United lady and I went back and forth for 10 minutes, and eventually she let me go, but also saying that the gate agent was going to require me to check my bag and that I’d miss my flight.  This was nothing short of harassment.  Was I being discriminated against because I was white?  Male?  I do have a Hebrew last name, so was this anti-Semitism???

I go through security just fine (the bag has NO problem going through the x-ray machine) and proceed to the gate.  There I find a friend of mine who says, “Hey!  They’ve been calling your name on the PA system for 10 minutes!”

to be continued…

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Inspiration for Recording Telephone Conversations

I recently came across this Failblog video and found it just too funny.  If you ever needed a reason to record your calls to customer service agents, here it is:



I have recently begun recording some conversations myself and will look forward to sharing those.  (By the way, while I respect and love all readers, if you don't "get" the video, I'd have to recommend you spend less time at Doubt of Business and more time here.)

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